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Why should girls stay single?

Posted by Jz on Friday, May 21, 2010 | comments (3)



I have been using Maxis broadband for some god damn reasons, and guess what, I have never been this satisfied before! Maxis broadband allowed me to continue using internet even though I’ve reached my usage quota! How kind of Maxis, I was still able to download songs at 1 to 3 kb/s and read a whole damn chapter of Sherlock Holmes (yes, Jack reads) while waiting for a page to load. That explains why I have been so ‘online active’ these days.

 

Anyway, that didn’t kill me, but it killed shitload of people in game. Yes, I spent my days playing Hitman: Blood Money and successfully silent-assassinated those asses besides the last mission, it’s still way to go! Ah wait!? You thought I was studying for my final?

 

Okay enough of craps, back to the title, why should girls stay single? The answer is pretty simple actually, because guys suck. Well, not all of them, but most. If you want a statistical figure I’d say that 99.99995% of guys suck according to the research done by Professor Jack.

 

How did that asshole the professor get the figure? You might ask. According to him, the research was done by putting all the requirements or qualities of not-sucking guys together and calculate the percentages. He claims that:

 

 

around half of the guys are short having not-satisfied height (50%),

 

 

then approximately only 1 out of 10 guys with satisfied height is good looking (10%),

 

 

then most of the good looking guys are players (assuming 10% are not players),

 

 

then among the not-players most of them must not be good guys, as in attitude or morality (assuming 10% are good guys),

 

 

then among the good guys most of them are not rich guys (assuming 20% are rich),

 

 

then among the rich guys most of them are not available (assuming 10% are available),

 

 

then among the available guys with these quality, they are probably gays (assuming 50% are gays),

 

 

then among those who are not gay, they probably have some ‘physical’ or mental problems  (assuming 50% are normal),

 

 

then these guys must be extremely picky so that’s why they’re still single (assuming 10% are not picky),

 

and yes, while other special requirements ( like six pack or being a vampire) are excluded, the rest are the not-sucking guys, or what we call the Prince Charmings, ops sorry I’m still in Snow White era, the latest term is Edward Cullens.

 

If we put all the percentages together, it will be something like:

50% x 10% x 10% x 10% x 20% x 10% x 50% x 50% x 10% = 0.000025%

approximately 0.000025%, which means if you go Facebook and randomly add 4,000,000 guys, you’d probably have 1 Edward Cullen in your friend list and the rest of 3,999,999 guys are suck and can go fuck themselves.

 

After you spot Edward Cullen, don’t forget that you still have to compete with 397 buses of girls to actually get him and probably end up getting defeated by some random girls named Bella.

 

So please, seriously, either stay single or stop complaining.

or maybe go Facebook now. LOL!

 

*No offence, this post is purely for entertaining purpose and the Professor Jack is semi-retarded.

New Jack in KL

Posted by Jz on Wednesday, May 12, 2010 | comments (3)



Dear friends in Penang,

 

I have been living in KL for about 2 months already, and guess what, I’m still alive! Seriously, I miss you all, I miss my family, I miss Penang’s foods, and I miss Penang! Anyway, believe it or not, during this short period, I have already changed! No no not that kind of change, I’m still a guy.

 

In Penang, I used to have my mum to prepare most of the meals for me, and I complaint a lot, ‘this again arh?’, ‘I don’t want vegetables!’, ‘full already lah!’, and etc. But now, I have to prepare my own meals, think of what to eat three times daily, worry about my budget.

 

Of course lah, da bao (take away) from food courts is considered as preparing my own meals already lah~

 

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In Penang, my parents always did everything for me, I didn’t even have to worry. When I needed some hands, my parents were always there for me, to help me, to advice me, or even to deal with the problems that I couldn’t handle. But now, I’ve learnt to be independent and deal with my problems myself.

 

Of course, spending two hours on assembling a simple cabinet can be considered as independent enough lah~

 

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In Penang, I used to hang out with friends and eat a lot of things. Char Kuey Teow, char mee, hokkien mee, hokkien char, dim sum, junk food, etc. I loved oily food! Do you know how tempting were those fats? My gosh! They were just awesome! That was probably the main reason why I got high cholesterol earlier. But now, I stop eating that much of junks and switch to healthy food.

 

Of course, definition of so-called ‘healthy food’ is different from person to person lah~

 

mc'chicken 

In Penang, I had only three things to do when I was free, Facebook, MSN, and online games, and they can be summarized into one word – online. I bet the time I spent online was longer than the time I spent on sleeping or in college everyday. Yea, I’m definitely qualify to be one of those whom people always say ‘get a life’ to. But now, I exercise and swim daily. Yes you didn’t hear me wrong, Jack swims daily!

 

Of course, people always say ‘go to swim go to swim’, there is no clear boundary between the definitions of  ‘swimming’ and ‘playing’ in the pool lah~

 

 

In Penang, it’s very ordinary to find me online on either MSN or Facebook at 2am morning. My sleeping time was around 3 to 4 morning depending on my mood, my mum nagged, dad scolded, some friends advised, but I was still the same. But now, I sleep early everyday!

 

Of course, people define the word ‘early’ differently lah~

 

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In Penang, if you were told that ‘weh, Jack reads books!’, what would be your response? Ah I know, these should be expected, ‘haha funny loh’ or ‘yea yea like real’ or ‘tomorrow exam meh?’ or ‘what? Porn?’. Yes, it WAS true, but not now, I have A LOT of books.

 

Of course, ‘having them’ and actually ‘finish reading them’ are two different things lah~

 

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In Penang, I was being labelled as a 'jiu gui’ (alcoholic), sometimes even myself failed to convince myself that I was actually not. You see, I loved going out to drink with friends, and the only way for me to celebrate friends’ birthdays, graduation, farewell, and etc was always ‘YESH LETS GO TO DRINK!’. But now, here, I officially declare that I’m no longer a jiu gui! (YESH! For those who don’t believe me, fark you! LOL)

 

Of course, ‘not being an alcoholic’ doesn’t mean ‘don’t drink at all’ right?

 

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So, are you all impressed by my changes? LOL

 

Sincerely,

The brand new Jack.

Should girl shave?

Posted by Jz on Tuesday, May 11, 2010 | comments (4)



My Window Live Writer fucked up a week ago and I finally got it fixed today. How? In case you ask, I fucking reformat my laptop because of that shit! Haha! Fuck you WLW!

 

Okay I'm mad. Back to the title. When I was having my dinner with a girl weeks ago, she suddenly popped out with the question:'Would it be better if I get shaved?'

 

 

 

What the heck with that question!? She claimed that they’re too curly and ugly, so she needs opinions from guys and she chose me because I’m sissy enough (WTH!?).

 

Okay seriously, If you watched a lot of movies, you’d know that shaving is quite common among Europeans, but you could rarely run into one with shaved Asian girls.

 

If you ask me why, I don’t know. It’s more natural perhaps.

 

However, don’t compare guys with girls. It’s perfectly fine, I reckon, for Asian guys to shave. Personally I have few male friends who have already shaved, and all of them look fine for me.

 

Huh!? Why are you guys looking at me like that? What’s wrong with Asian guys to have their head shaved? What were you all thinking?

 

Anyway, my answer to that girl was:

You think you’re Britney Spears meh?

 

So you came to my blog?

Posted by Jz on Sunday, May 9, 2010 | comments (2)



For some unknown reasons my Window Live Writer used to close down itself occasionally, and now great, it just stopped working.

I have been looking for solutions in the internet for days, after failing to so, I emailed WLW Team and I still haven't received any reply yet. So I spent my whole afternoon today looking for replacement of WLW, well, at the end of the day I felt like hanging myself up.

So now, I guess I'll just fuck with the stupid Blogger's writer.

Days earlier I checked on what people searched on search engines which led them to my blog, and I got these.



To be honest, these were to be expected, even though people are trying to be no-Im-not-hamsap during the days, but in the nights, when they're in front of their computer alone, erm, you know.

But what the fark, this is absolutely not right!

WHAT WITH THE BANANA PEEL MASTURBATION TUTORIAL!

Negaraku / Mamula Moon

Posted by Jz on Monday, May 3, 2010 | comments (2)



Maybe it’s weird, but I always think that Malaysia’s national anthem is nice. No joke, if you have listened the national anthems of other countries, you will eventually find that Malaysia’s is still the best.

 

And serious, I love Malaysia’s national anthem even more after listening to Namewee’s version of Negaraku in ‘new fashion’.

 

 

And recently, or maybe not recently I’m just outdated, there is an issue regarding our national anthem and another song – Mamula Moon.

 

 

People have been asking and discussing in the internet, about who copied who and shits. And guess what? I don’t care!

 

Who cares if it’s real that Malaysia copied from Mamula Moon, at least I got to sing no creepy national anthem weekly when I was in secondary school!

 

So what’s wrong with that? I’d love Malaysia even more if we were to sing Negaraku copied from Poker Face.

 

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Seriously. LOL