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A life update

Posted by Jz on Saturday, November 6, 2010 | comments (0)

After abandoning my blog for so long, I’m finally here although I don’t really have anything to write on. Seriously life has been pretty plain for me, all I did for the previous weeks was either studying or doing assignments. Okay not really. But I don’t think people here would like to listen to me talking about how many good foods I have eaten, how many times I have my voice broken in Redbox or how many times I hit on girls and failed. Whatever, here is the short update.


The most significant event within these weeks was, no doubt, the Halloween. And no, I didn’t turn myself into Edward Cullen like all people out there expected me to (thank you thank you), but instead, I turned into the pimple man.



Did I hear girls crying out there? LMAO! Anyway, I didn’t join any party, good kids like me just dated some friends for a decent *ahem* dinner. Well, It’s not like we have the ‘trick or treat’ shit here, the only reason why Malaysians get dressed in Halloween is to go clubbing.


image (P/S: This photo was taken last year and, erm, I’m not inside.)


Seriously, when I was young I thought places like clubs will not survive in Islamic countries, like Malaysia itself, but heck, I was wrong. Tell me when Malaysians don’t go clubbing? Birthday, clubbing. Ladies night, clubbing. Every Friday/Saturday, clubbing. New year eve, clubbing. Chinese New Year eve, clubbing. Halloween, clubbing. Christmas eve, clubbing. Heck, I bet someday they are going to go clubbing on cheng beng (Tomb-sweeping Day) eve.




Secondly, after studying for almost 1 year in KL, kampung kid like me finally got to place my butt on the KTM and LRT. Things were going well as I was excited like a kid who sits on a plane for the first time (like real), until the time when I had to go back at 6pm.


All the people were released from their workplaces and rushed into KTM station like they were going to die, no wait, nothing like Final Destination happened so no worries. All the coaches were full and I didn’t manage to get into em, so I ran and ran and finally saw a coach which there were still spaces. Just when I was about to step inside, a security blocked me:


‘Adik, wanita saja.’ (Kid, for women only)



Yes, I’ve heard of this on whatever newspaper before. But when thing happened, I couldn’t help but to shout at the security:




Okay I didn’t shout that shit. And I know I’m lame.

Why should guys stay single?

Posted by Jz on Sunday, October 17, 2010 | comments (4)

Professor Jack has made a post about why should girls stay single that explains why guys suck nowadays (click). After reading it, a friend of his actually asked him to write about why should guys stay single as well. The time, however, is a little bit rush for him, so he didn’t conduct a statistical research like last time. Anyway, still, he has come to a conclusion:


Girls do not match the guys.


Who said so? This guy.



Yes, Professor Jack.


According to him, for a girl to match a guy, she must reach a few general requirements which might be different for guy to guy, stated below:




1- She must be pretty




Remember, this is ULTIMATELY important. Every guy wants his girl to be pretty, not only for the watching purpose of himself, it’s also for showing his ‘achievement’ around.

But of course, whether the guy himself is good looking or not doesn’t matter lah.


2- She must be in right figure


image  image


It actually means you girls cannot be fat, or look like a set of bones. The reason is pretty much the same as the number one requirement, and this comes after the face because guys won’t even look at a girl’s body when she doesn’t have an acceptable face.

But of course, whether the guys themselves look like a pig or a living skeleton doesn’t matter lah.



3- She must have big boobs


image  image


Although this is listed as ‘3’, it’s very important as well. Many hypothesises have been made regarding the factors contributed to this, but none of them is scientifically proven yet. Probably because deep in the heart of guys, they actually hope that they have a set of boobs as well.

But of course, whether the guys themselves have six packs or not doesn’t matter lah.



4- Her height must match the guy




After the first 3, the girls must have the perfect appearance already, but still we have the height problem. If the girl is too short, the guy scares others will laugh at the big difference; if the girl is too tall, the guy scares to be laughed as well. So the girl must be approximately 6-10 cm shorter than the guy after considerate that the girl needs to wear heels sometimes.

But of course, whether the guys are the ones who are too tall / short or the girls doesn’t matter lah.



5- Preferable if not too outgoing / quiet




Physical appearance is not enough for the girls to match the guys, the girl must also not be too outgoing / quiet. If a girl goes clubbing too often, fails, too outgoing guys have no confidence on her. If a girl goes too much library, fails as well, guys think it’s too dumb and boring.

But of course, whether the guys themselves are the morons who only know playing games or go clubbing 4 times a week doesn’t matter lah.



6- Preferable if not smoking / drinking




Both drinking and smoking is no good for health, ahem, and most importantly the guy would be ‘faceless’ for having a girl who smokes and drinks.

But of course, whether the guys themselves drink or smoke or both also doesn’t matter lah.



7- Must not wear too sexy / hot


image image 


When a guy has a girlfriend, the girlfriend cannot wear too sexy because the guy loves her soooo much and doesn’t want to share her ‘sexiness’ with other guys.

But of course, whether the guys like to share the ‘sexiness’ of other girls or not doesn’t matter lah .



8- Preferable if have less / no ex(s)



Guys definitely don’t like it when they have a girl with a bus of ex’es, the ‘hey, I was in a relationship with your girl’ is nothing different than ‘hey, you’re wearing my old sock’ for them.

But of course, whether the guys themselves are the 10th hand or 20th hand old socks doesn’t matter lah.





You see, it’s really hard to find a girl who fulfils the requirements above nowadays, so how are the girls going to match with the guys? However, there is one thing the Professor Jack couldn’t understand:


Why don’t the guys fucking buy a fucking mirror and fucking look at their fucking face before coming up with these requirements?


So you guys should really stop complaining after all.


Anyway, hope guys out there didn’t get offended by this post, which you shouldn’t, if you’re a good guy, like me. LMFAO!

Andrew’s Birthday

Posted by Jz on Saturday, October 9, 2010 | comments (3)

Yesterday was Andrew' birthday, and you can tell how important it is for me when you see me had my beard shaved.




I love my beard (yes I don’t care what the heck you girls think), and I only shave them for something really important. That’s why you can see (which you cannot) I didn’t shave since the Nuffnang party.


Anyway, back to the title. Although some people think Andrew is a nerd, he has always been a good friend of mine. Eh? You asked me why? Because he is a good and erm… okay lets skip this part. When you know that this little birthday celebration was made up by only 4 people, you might want to leave this page already, but for me, it was the gayest birthday celebration ever.


First – We have the gayest cake that an ordinary guy wouldn’t want to have.




Seriously, receiving a cake in the shape of boobs is way better than this. And although it’s not convincing, I still have to explain, it wasn’t bought / picked / suggested by me! I was like ‘WHAT THE FLYING FUCK’ when I saw this cake, though I was informed earlier that the cake would be gay.


Second- We have the gayest birthday card that an ordinary guy wouldn’t want to have as well.




The name of the writer is censored to protect their relationship. But to make all of us clear that it wasn’t me. I purposely left out the first word, so it’s not ‘J’ that might stand for ‘Jack’ or ‘Jz’, it’s a ‘A’ that stands for another name.


P/S: The drawing sucks, really.


Third- We have the gayest gift that an ordinary guy wouldn’t want to have as well.




Okay, again, I wasn’t the one who bought the roses (why it seems like I’m trying to push away all the responsibilities away from me LOL). They were contributed by the DON’T-WANT-TO-TAKE-PHOTO-WITH-US lovely housemate of ours.



And the birthday guy definitely liked it so much.



Nuffnang Event: Vaseline Poolside Party

Posted by Jz on Thursday, October 7, 2010 | comments (3)

Forgive my late update, you know, my life had been a little too busy (again) due to err, forget it.


I was invited as one of the 75 bloggers to the party with this post. I didn’t really expect I would get invited, especially when the post was like full of pictures like this, although it was initially written for the 3,000 bucks cash prize.




I was actually thinking of creatively commercialize my post so that I could stand a chance to win, but at last I figured I just couldn’t make it, jokers like me should be just jokers. Well, at least I won something else.




Yes, the Vaseline products, which were given to all the guests of the party. This incident taught me a lesson – we should be honest. Because in the post I used to join the event, I actually put something like this.




And Nuffnang really let me take the products home! God damn it, I should’ve put something like this instead,





Okay okay I know I’m going too far again, should go back to the topic now. I joined Nuffnang last year and I told myself, I would definitely go to Nuffnang parties if I have the chance to study in KL. This time, my wish came true.




And it didn’t disappoint me. You see, the girls location was great,




a poolside party is always awesome, a poolside party at 34th floor with people serving you with drinks sumoreeee! Aiya, although no bikini disappoint me a bit lahhh.


Then we have the pretty host, Jojo Struys.



The got meh comedian, Kuah Jenhan




Okay, the dialogues are designed.


And a Malay singer with really sweet voice, Yuna.




I didn’t know her until I attended the party, and trust me, she can really sing well.


Anyway, I don’t want to bore you with too much of details as you might already know em from others’ posts. And I know my readers (which is probably one or two) don’t come here to see how Jack writes an essay, they want the joker, or the asshole.


Let me tell you something, the joker, or the asshole, was lucky enough to win a lucky draw which he had never won a single one before that.




But the joker is not here to show off, the point is, when he got up to the stage, the host aka Jojo Struys, asked him:




Okay, forget the ‘OH HELL YESS’ part.

Where have I been?

Posted by Jz on Saturday, September 25, 2010 | comments (2)

I know I know I’ve been disappearing from here for ages, but hey! I have a lot of serious things to do okay? And when I say serious things, I mean things like studying and doing assignments, look at my white hairs.




But damn, I know no one is going to believe me (which you’re probably right), people always think that my white hairs are contributed by thinking too much of 18sx shits.




Okay, if you ask me, which you probably wouldn’t, where’ve I been or what’ve I done besides studying *ahem*, I’d say not much.


I surprisingly and accidentally paid a visit to iCity with bunch of creepy, I mean friendly and funny and cute friends.




As I said earlier, the trip was ‘accidentally’ organized, so no one brought a decent camera to take picture with the buildings and decorations with full of colourful bulbs, so freaking google about iCity yourself.


You know, looking at bulbs is boring, so people started doing some 18 rated stuffs.



For example, me, butt-raping the bulb-made polar bears.



And the rest are not for kids so lets finish the iCity part and proceed to the next one.


I got back to Penang during the Raya holidays, and met up with friends.



Again, this is the only can-be-posted picture. Due to the reason that my parents are actually so in and read my blog constantly, I have to make some explanations.



These are soya bean milk.



These are fresh orange, WE DIDN’T MIX ANYTHING I SWEAR.



Obviously, these are mineral water, yes, mineral water.



See the logo of the bottle? It’s fresh orange with nice designed bottle.



These are…erm…okay…imported Coca-Cola with new design!

Am I moist enough?

Posted by Jz on Friday, September 3, 2010 | comments (10)

So I’m not going to use any word in this post since some people say that I’m noisy. Of course, the words before the next full stop are not considered as “words”.





























































Eh? Wait!








*Link to the Vaseline contest is HERE. 

*Jokes aside, no bikini at the poolside party as the dress code is elegance. So don’t get desperate. HAHA!