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Adding more detail?

Monday, March 2, 2009 , Posted by Jz at 5:35 PM

In the English class today, we were taught to write essay, one of the exercise was like this:

 

  • There was once an emperor who lived in a palace.
  • He had three daughters but no sons.
  • He wanted his daughters to marry before he died.
  • He found 3 princes, however, his daughters didn’t like them.
  • They refused to marry the princes, so the emperor became very angry.
  • He said they must get married as soon as they were sixteen years old.
  • The three daughters ran away during the night and found work on a farm.
  • They fell in love with the farmer’s sons while they were working there.
  • They married the sons when they were sixteen.

The instruction given was ‘ rewrite the story, adding more detail to make it more interesting.’

 

So, since they wanted interesting, I’ll give interesting. This was what I wrote:

 

    Two years ago, there was once a emperor who lived in an old and broken palace in Malaysia. He had three daughters, but too bad, no sons, only hope of him was to get his daughters married before he lies himself in his beloved land.

    Fortunately, he found three princes from Indonesia to marry his daughters. However, his daughters refused to marry them because they didn’t like them, their dream was to marry an European. The emperor was so angry of it, he said that they must get married as soon as they were sixteen years old, he claimed that having children while young is better.

    The three daughters, who were so upset of it, ran away with their luggage during a charming night when the security guard was sleeping. They found work on an enormous, golden farm in the middle of London. They fell in love with the farmer’s sons, who were the Europeans while they were working there.

    At the end, they married the sons when they were sixteen, because they were totally agreed with what their father said : Having children while young is better.

 

Theme of the story:

  • Racists are everywhere
  • Having children while young is better

J’z

I’m not racist, and I’m over 16

Currently have 2 comments:

  1. ning says:

    so..according to your theme..
    you want to have baby le izit??
    haha..xp

  1. monchichi says:

    He wan be a father..hohoO ~
    U can marry now ..:p